There was always that one guy in High School that all the girls were crushing on. I could hear their whispers behind me in class about who they thought was the cutest this week. Of course, this was only a natural part of growing up. Walking down the hallway, I always saw girls and guys holding hands and laughing loudly. Some of them were sincere while others were winking at the next person, they saw behind their significant other’s back making the person they were with not so significant.

I always wondered what the point of dating in high school was as if it was only a game. It seemed like the only goal was to land the best looking person at your side. For some,  values, morals, beliefs or what was on the inside did not seem to matter much.

I admired the ones who prayed over who they would be dating. The ones who actually thought about the decisions they made and took the time to get to know the people they wanted to date.

In high school, I always tried to find someone to have a crush on. I would talk about some guy I thought was nice looking. But of course, I knew nothing about him. I was too shy to get to know anyone because I was an awkward Introvert. I wanted to be like everyone else. If everyone else liked someone then, of course, I had to.

But I never dated anyone. Nope. Not me.

Yep. It’s just been me since high school.

I will admit being single is not easy. I have spent most of my life this way.

I have found that I enjoy being independent. I like being on my own.

Being an introvert means that being around lots of people is mentally exhausting. However, this also means that I hate not being around people. I know my life is a complicated hot mess of alphabet soup.

I enjoy being on my own which means I can make my own plans most of the time except for when I am spending time with my family which is awesome by the way. When it’s just me things are pretty easy, I don’t really have to wait on anyone and I don’t have to impress anyone. When it’s just me, no one really cares how loud the music is in your car or how weird you look rocking out to it! haha, oh do I have some fun times when it’s just me…

Being single is awesome so far, but it has its ups and downs.

Being with my family is fun because you never know what kind of conversations you are going to have with anyone. And I mean anyone of any age. I have a grandma who has Alzheimer’s, and her memory was fading so I completely understood why we had the same conversation every time. I used to stay with her on the weekends and we would talk a lot while watching LIVE PD.

She would always ask me if I had found someone special yet and by special I knew she meant a boyfriend. I would always say no not yet. And she would sigh and tell me not to give up because that guy was still out there somewhere. I would smile and say thank you. Then She would say I’ll be praying for you.

I would always leave with a smile on my face knowing she was not going to remember this conversation and we would have it again the next weekend.

I did not think what she said was funny or humorous, but I actually took this repeated conversation to heart.

When people asked why I was still single or why I didn’t have a boyfriend yet my answer was always the same.

“Oh, I am just looking for that right person”

“I am just so focused on missions and my job”

“I don’t think that is what God wants for me right now”

“I don’t know honestly know”

I would give the same answer every time and I was getting tired of it. I also wondered why people had to ask about my single life anyways.

That’s when God revealed to me himself in a way he never had before. There were times I would feel sad or down because I felt like I had to be in a relationship because everyone else was. I often felt like I was letting people down because I was in my 20’s, not married, I was not looking for someone to marry, and in fact, that wasn’t anywhere on my radar. I often felt like the older generation looked down on me.

I was wrong. I was so wrong.

God taught me to not be ashamed of my singleness.

I was not letting anyone down. The enemy was only trying to control my mind by making me feel small. The enemy had done a good job of making me feel like I had to follow the status quo Satan can make things look appealing and make you feel like you have to have a piece of it.

I promise I am not putting down anyone who is in a relationship or pursuing one, but this is the journey I am walking. And this is how Jesus has walked with me my whole life. I am simply trying to speak to those out there who know that God is calling them to be single at this point in their life. I want them to know its okay to be single and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.

In college,I dated one guy. He was the first boyfriend I ever had it didn’t last very long. I prayed over it before we dated. I wanted to make sure it was something God wanted for me. The truth was it was something I wanted and not the other way around. So I just went for it before God answered.

He always liked it when I wore the color blue. He used to tell me that “blue was my color” and that I should wear it more often.

So almost every Sunday, knowing  I was going to see him, I would lay out my favorite blue blouse. I would put it on with a giant smile on my face.

I used to wear blue for him, I thought I was happy. I thought that wearing his favorite color would make him happy. But happiness doesn’t come from doing what someone else wants you to do.

When we parted ways I stopped wearing blue. The color blue made me nauseous. It reminded me of what used to be us. It reminded me of the past.

I stopped wearing blue because I was no longer happy.  I stopped wearing blue because there was no one else to impress. There was no one else to make happy.

Years passed and I moved on. Things changed and I found happiness.

I still have that blue blouse. But now I wear it with a different purpose in mind.

Even though it was not for very long I learned that Jesus is who we need to find our true satisfaction in. I kept trying to find my happiness in a person. I figured that if I was in a relationship then I would be happier. I was wrong..again.

True happiness comes from Jesus, not someone we search for.  While we are all searching for happiness in the wrong places Jesus is chasing after us waiting for us with open arms.

Are there times in my singleness where I wish I was in a relationship? Yes! 

Do I have a desire to be married and have a family someday? Of course,…but right now Jesus wants me to be content where I am and where he has me in my singleness.

It’s not a bad thing to be single, it just means God is preparing you for the future. Jesus wants to make you aware that He is with you.

If you are single, embrace it! Be proud of who you are in this season of your life. Remember that God is still writing your story. Don’t close your mind off to what God has planned for you. Be open-minded. You never know what God has on the road ahead.