I consider myself a person who has everything I could ever want. I’ve always had a roof over my head. I was raised by loving parents. I have the sweetest friends. All of my life I have never gone hungry or thirsty. All my life I have been so blessed to say that God has given me everything I could ever need.

With a life as awesome as this, why do I often feel unsatisfied? Why do I feel hollow on the inside? Like something is missing…

Maybe right now you are with your friends and family. Maybe you are at a party surrounded by the people who love you the most, but you’re sitting in a corner reading this blog because you feel like something is missing.

One of my favorite things about Christmas growing up was that I and my little brother each got to make our own Christmas list. Sometimes my brothers and I would fill our lists up with every single thing we thought would make us happy. I would fill my Christmas list up with every baby doll or Barbie toy that I saw in the commercials on TV. As little kids, my brothers and I would be so excited to run into the living room on Christmas day. I would stop in front of the tree, my little eyes searching for anything I could find sitting out that might be on my list. As a little girl, I never truly understood the real meaning of Christmas. I only expected to get the things I had written down from a man who was fictional. I expected to get what I wanted.

When Christmas was over, my brothers and I would go our separate ways and play with our toys that we had just gotten. Sometimes we would play together and sometimes we would not. We would play with those same toys for a few days and then decide that we were bored with them and move on to the other toys that we already had in our rooms.

I guess what I am trying to say about all of this is that even as a child at Christmas one can feel empty. I know I did. My parents were the best at getting us gifts even though they knew we were only going to play with them for a day.  As a child, I felt so full of joy to receive so many toys and gifts, but after the holidays were over I went right back to where I was “wanting more” again. I “wanted” more toys to play with because I thought that I did not have enough or I did not have the right toy. The emptiness was always there. It never left because I never learned to be satisfied. For me, “enough” was never enough.

This past year I studied abroad in Guadalajara, Mexico. I went to Guadalajara to finish my Bachelors Degree in Intercultural Studies. The last requirement was to study in a foreign country with a foreign language. I picked Guadalajara because that was where I had the most connections to serve. While I was there I learned how to plant churches and share the gospel in places where the name of Jesus had never been heard. I got to work closely with a missionary named Anita from a church called Roca Fuerte. We became close friends. I learned everything there was to church plant in small communities. Anita taught me how to share the gospel with those who did not speak Spanish. Anita also taught me that the church is bigger than a building. I loved working in Mexico because I knew I had a purpose there. I knew what I was supposed to be doing.

There were times while I was in Mexico, that I thought back on my own church. We had a community that surrounded us, where there lived people who did not believe in Jesus. Our community is very diverse. We have many people from other religions, backgrounds, and cultures. These people need the love of Christ just as much as the people in Mexico do. It was almost like God was giving me a new plan for life. It was like God was wanting me to reach out and share the gospel with those around me.

When I came home from Mexico, four months later, I was ecstatic. I had a new mission field in mind. I was ready. I was filled with happiness and satisfied with life.

Little did I know I was about to be as empty as ever…

I was back from Mexico and in the middle of summer, I started researching ways to get back to Guadalajara. Every time I looked further into something, doors kept closing and opportunities were not working out.

I felt so empty. I felt like my heart was in two places at once. I wanted to be serving in Mexico where I knew my purpose. I loved speaking Spanish, I loved the people, I loved, loved, loved the culture. My heart was aching because I desired so badly to be back where I belonged. I knew how to serve God in Mexico. But on the other hand, my heart also wanted to be in America with my home church. The community around our church needed Jesus! My heart was being torn in two and both halves were hanging on by a thread.

I felt so unsatisfied that I started looking for satisfaction in worldly things. The things that I had laid at the feet of Jesus. Satan tried to make me question my self-worth.

Since I graduated, I had repeatedly wondered what I would do next with my life. The devil had made me believe that running to worldly things was the only thing I was good at. All of the doors that I  tried to open to Mexico kept closing so I didn’t know what else to do with my life. The darkness was trying to suck me back in, but what Satan didn’t know was that I had chosen the light. I was now soaking up all the sunshine I could, and the darkness could not touch this!  Instead of running away from God, I ran to him. He was standing there with open arms and I did a cannonball into them!

Once I got help with my struggle, I was back on my feet. I was now full! Sometimes Jesus rocks our world for the better. Jesus doesn’t change our plans to make us miserable. He simply sees our talents and moves us somewhere better so that we can use them. We may have every single detail planned in our life, but God may have something else in mind. It may be beautiful or scary to us, but no matter what the plan, his ways are better and we should follow him.

I wanted to go back to Mexico so badly that I was willing to disobey the plans of my heavenly father. I was filled with so much emptiness that led to many sleepless nights.

Mexico was my comfort zone. It was the only place I thought I could serve. When I surrendered my torn heart over to God, he did great things. He did not answer all my prayers but he sure moved mountains.

It was like the blinders had been taken off of my eyes. My whole perspective on the mission field had changed. My cup that was once empty was now overflowing with the love that Jesus had given me for these people in the community around our church.

I began to see the world through the eyes of Jesus. He showed me that the mission field was all around me. It was in some foreign country around the world where I wanted to go. The mission field was all around me.

I still did not know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew where I wanted to serve in the moment. I wanted to serve where Jesus put me. I wanted to serve with a servants heart and an empty one.

Sometimes the emptiness we experience can fill us up. Emptiness can take hold of our lives and make us feel alone, broken, down, or even like ending it all! I never went that far but sometimes when you feel unsatisfied things can seem hopeless.

If you are feeling empty right now, look to Jesus because he is the only way you will be whole again.

If you feel like something is missing then look to Jesus because he will be your friend. He will show you the way out of that dark tunnel you are walking down. He will be your light.

Jesus is holding his arms wide open…will you jump into them?

It’s time to be full again.

Say goodbye to being empty.