I laid awake for hours. My mind wandered aimlessly through all my anxious thoughts. I tried so hard to sleep. I rolled over to the right and closed my eyes tight trying to silence the voices in my head. I sat up and hugged my knees staring at the wall that stared back.

The wall that I stared at seemed to mock me. The walls seemed so peaceful, so still in their fixated places. I wished to be sleeping as peacefully as they were standing. I laid down once more on my side and took a deep breath as I closed my eyes. I was hoping that as I laid completely still I would eventually fall asleep but soon enough my heart started racing and my eyes flew open.

What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I fall asleep?

Do you have nights where you can’t sleep? Maybe you are haunted by your past mistakes? Maybe you lay awake at night worrying about something you can’t control? Maybe there is something you are afraid you will forget to do if you don’t stay awake and do it this or that very moment?

If this is you, my friend, let me tell you, that during that week I spent several nights not sleeping. I spent more time awake and in deep thought about my life.

While I was constantly wrestling to fall asleep that night I was reminded of when Jesus asked the disciples to stay awake and pray with him before he was arrested and killed on the cross. I was reminded of how Jesus asked them to stay awake with him for at least an hour but when he came back and found them they were sleeping.

I laid awake and felt Jesus calling me to spend time with him. I sat up in my bed and rubbed my tired eyes. I had been worrying about my future. Not sure what direction I was headed with all the changes that had been taking place. I was overwhelmed and I had let all my anxieties and worries get to my head. The reason I couldn’t sleep was that I did not cast my cares on the one who was willing to carry them.

I turned on my phone and read my daily devotional which covered the exact verses I was thinking about. I do not believe in coincidences, but I do believe that God placed everything together that night so that I would be reminded that he was there in all my chaos. Jesus called me to stay with him. I heard him calling to be with him, to dwell in his presence. I could feel him holding me.

Jesus was anxious, his heart was troubled. He needed to talk to his father. He took the people who meant the most to him to the Garden Gethsemane to pray with him. He wanted his disciples to support while he prayed. So he asked them to stay awake and to pray with him. Jesus went off on his own and began to pray. The disciples being the humans that they were fell asleep because it was late and they were tired. Jesus asked them two or three times to stay awake with him, but they just couldn’t stay awake even for an hour. You can imagine how Jesus’ heart must have sunk. The night before he was to die, the ones he needed support from laid there sleeping peacefully as his heart was beating rapidly inside his chest.

Jesus was the son of God, but he was also as much of a human as you and I. He had feelings, he had blood that ran through his veins, he had a beating heart. He knew he had to die for us, but he also knew the road to the cross would not be easy. So he did what all of us did, he talked to his father. He asked if there was a way for all of this to be done a different way, but Jesus knew God had a plan. Jesus was not afraid to face the challenges ahead because he knew God was with him.

That night I sat in my bed and prayed. I spent most of the night talking with my savior, my creator. Once I stopped trying to wrestle with my own thoughts and actually answered the call of my father, all of my anxieties started to fade. I stopped worrying about my future and the things I couldn’t control. I began to pray, really pray, not just have a oneway conversation with me and the wall. But a real conversation with me and Jesus. No, he didn’t answer right away, but he gave me peace and that was the best answer, I could hope for.

Sometimes these sleepless nights are not for nothing. They are meant for us. The nights you lie awake endlessly hoping for peaceful sleep are the very same nights that Jesus is longing for you to stay with Him a little longer. He is drawing you into his arms and pulling you closer to his heart. He wants nothing more than you to know him.

So the next time you can’t sleep, instead of having staring contests with the wall, try talking to your creator. He made you. He knows you. He will give you peace. He will give you rest.

Stay with him a little longer. Wait with Jesus for just an hour. He has been waiting for you your whole life. So stay just a little while longer you won’t regret it.